Songwriters: Chris Taylor
The January 12 Song Challenge was to write “Assembly Bangers”, inspired by the compilation put together by comedian Jason Manford. An “Assembly Banger” is a song or hymn which UK children sing – or at least used to sing – during communal worship times at school. The lyrics mostly didn’t mention God or Jesus, and were often about subjects like being kind or the brotherhood of man.
I had an idea to do short Bible stories in verse, using my wonderful (dubious) array of high-quality (even more dubious) accents. They were greatly appreciated by the other 12 Song Challengers, so I stiched some of them together with a sing-along chorus, and this is the result.
I don’t expect this song to be used in a church, or even in schools, but it was fun to do.
Lyrics
Narrator: Hi kids!
Kid (with a gruff voice): Alright
N: Wow, you have a deep voice!
K: I know.
N: Well, to day we're going to sing a song!
K: Oh great.
N: It's a song about miracles in the Bible. And there's a chorus you can join in with!
K: Do we have to?
N: It goes like this:
Chorus:
Would you believe it?
Could you believe it?
These miracles are true
Written down for me and youN: The first set of miracles are all from the Old Testament - those are books written many thousands of years ago. Our first miracle is about a battle! Captain Joshua and his army were attacking a big strong city called Jericho. God told them to shout and blow their trumpets and the huge walls would fall down! Here's Joshua to tell us about it:
Joshua:
Jericho is big and strong, with an impressive wall
No army could attack it and hope to see it fall
But God's told us to stand up here and shout and blow our trumpets
That mighty wall will crumble like a crumpetN: The next miracle is a really famous one - have you heard of Jonah and the big fish? It swallowed him! Hey Jonah, what happened?
Jonah:
On my way to Ninevah my heart began to sink
The wind blew up the rain came down they threw me in the drink
I have to say I'd lost my way I never asked for this
'Cos now I'm stuck inside a fishN: Don't worry, the fish spat him out a few days later! The next miracle is about a wizardy bloke called Balaam who refused to listen to God so much that God made his donkey talk to him!
Balaam:
The name's Balaam and I can cast a charm or spell, you see?
So give me loads of money and I'll curse your enemy
But blow me down, I'm such a clown, me ears are going wonky
I swear that voice came from my donkeyN: Everyone knows about David and Goliath, right? David was a little kid who killed a huge terrifying warrior called Goliath.
David:
You might be big, you might be mean, you might be 8 foot wide
My name's David you should know God is on my side
You look at me and you can't see I'm gonna be a king
Now have a little taste of my slingN: We've got one more miracle from the Old Testament. I'll let Daniel tell you about this one.
Daniel:
I've always been a happy lad, but now I'm close to cryin'
Some wicked people threw me in a prison full of lions
But God came down and shut their mouths and saved me from this trial
And gave me back my little cheeky smileN: It's chorus time! All together!
Chorus:
Would you believe it?
Could you believe it?
These miracles are true
Written down for me and youN: Now we're in the New Testament - books about the most amazing miracle-maker of all: Jesus! The very first miracle Jesus did was at a wedding. They'd run out of drink which was really embarrassing, so Jesus turned big jars of water into wine!
Mum:
This wedding's a disaster, we have nothing to drink
The new in-laws will laugh at us, what will the neighbours think?
But dry your eyes, what a surprise, this miracle's a sign
Jesus turned the water into wineN: Jesus also did miracles with food. Not once but twice he fed thousands of people with just one packed lunch - the miracle was the food didn't run out!
Disciple:
Oi! Jesus! We need to feed the crowd
Five thousand hungry tummies are rumbling out loud!
But all we've got are small bread rolls and measly little fish
Whatever can we do with this?N: Everyone had plenty to eat, and there was loads left over! But even more amazing than this, Jesus brought his friend Lazarus back from the dead! Wow!
Lazarus:
Dead and buried, that was me, locked inside a tomb
Feeling grumpy, down in the dump-y, ever in the gloom
Then I heard a voice - Jesus calling out my name
I came out of the tomb alive againN: Let's sing!
Chorus:
Would you believe it?
Could you believe it?
These miracles are true
Written down for me and youN: Three more miracles to go! Jesus also made a blind man see again, when the man wouldn't stop shouting out for help!
Bartimaeus:
My name is Bartimaeus, I'm begging 'cos I'm blind
This Jesus fella's coming, and people say he's kind
So I'll shout out, and keep on shouting, 'til he comes to me
I know he can make me seeN: Jesus healed all kinds of diseases, even an awful one called leprosy which affects your skin. Jesus healed ten men with leprosy, but only one of them came back to thank him. Here's that man now:
Leper:
Me mates and me have leprosy, it really ain't a laugh
Cos bits of us come floating off when we take a bath
Then Jesus healed all ten of us he's such a superstar
But only I came back to say "ta"N: Just one more miracle, and I've saved the best until last.
Narrator:
The most amazing miracle - and it's completely true
Was when the saviour Jesus died for me and you
Death could not hold on to him, he rose in victory
So we could live eternallyChorus:
Would you believe it?
Could you believe it?
These miracles are true
Written down for me and youWould you believe it?
(Cockney) Adam and Eve it?!
These miracles are true
Written down for me and you