Why do I get up…

Yesterday I was thinking about what all this is about. Life, I mean. And I realised that at the moment there are few things that really make me want to get up every morning. But no, I’m not going to start using this Geek Times blog as a place to pour out my innermost feelings. Instead, I’ll stick to the nerdy side of my thoughts.

I love developing websites. It’s a joy and a delight to see people using something that I’ve created. And while it might not be quite the same as making something physically, the fact that these projects take on a life of their own is something special.

I hate developing websites. They keep me awake at night, lines of code running away into the distance, functions and elements battle in my head, layouts and colours tormenting my eyeballs. They force me to spend hours of time one a computer, when I could be out playing cricket, or watching Coronation Street, or reading. They always demand more attention, there’s always one more feature that needs to be added, one part of the system that just doesn’t do what it should. And then, when I think I’ve got them beaten, the emails from users containing bugs start pouring in.

I love developing websites. I love the fact that when people ask me my job I can say a make websites. It fills me with happiness to know I’m a part of the biggest and newest technological advancement of modern times, that “the internet” is becoming part of everyones daily existance, and I’m there as one of the few who actually Makes Websites. I have a members-only pass into the hallowed inner sanctum of the web. I get emails that are addressed to “The Webmaster”.

I hate developing websites. I hate people thinking it’s easy, or that I only do this because I can’t do anything else. I hate the fact that it’s like taking a hard test all day, every day. I hate it that I won’t ever possibly be able to keep up with all the latest technological achievements on the web, that I’m only going to grasp little bits as they fly past me. I hate the fact that the only way up is to become some kind of manager.

I love developing websites. I love making things work, writing bits of code that Do Things. Bits of code that Make Things Happen. Bits of code that Are Useful. I love being a creator, it’s like having children and knowing that you made them exactly what they are. I feel protective about my code – even the (vast swathes of) bad bits. My code tells a story, the new functions and techniques I’ve learned, the ways I’ve managed to strip kilobytes off a file size, the designs that just look great.

I hate developing websites. I hate the fact I’m not a very good designer, that I’m hit and miss with my skills. Some days The Zone is further away than Venus, and just as inhospitable. I find it incredibly frustrating at times, this constant battle with the forces of evil scripts, and that I easily get bamboozled by technical issues outside my limited experience. I still don’t get this OOP business.