This week has been a tough one owing to a rather nasty cough I’ve had since last Friday (just call me “dog”). But signing into my Hotmail account has cheered me right up, as they say in Yorkshire. Not one, not two (not four, not even five) but three people have contacted me to offer “very confidential and lucrative investment transactions”.
I can hardly contain my excitement. This kind of thing never happens to me. I’ve never won anything on the lottery, but that may be because I’ve never bought a ticket. But still, this is a happy day.
I can’t give too many details as I don’t want to jeopardise these exciting business opportunities, but I will give you some quotes from their emails:
I procured your contact information from my search for a reliable person, who is capable of handling such a proposal of this great magnitude
In this account, he has (Thirty-nine Million Dollars) $39,000,000 only, which was credited in his favour
It has been resolved by the family that 30% of the total fund shall be your share for presenting yourself for this purpose/assistance you will give in this regard
My assurance to you is that this transaction is hundred percent risk-free
I secretly put in a box the sum of $30,000,000 million USD (Thirty million United states dollars) and deposit it in a security company abroad
I hope to trust you as who will not sit on this money when you claim it
BECAUSE OF THE SECURITY HAUNT FOR MY ARREST,I HAVE LEFT LIBERIA TO TAKE REFURGE IN TOGO BECAUSE OF SURVELLANCE HOVERING OVER MY LIFE
CAN I TRUST YOU? IF I CAN NOT ESTERBLISH MY CONFIDENCE AND TRUST ON YOU IT MEANS WE CAN NOT WORK TOGETHER BECAUSE I HAVE NOTHING IN THIS WORLD TO HOLD ON TO APART FROM THIS PARTICULAR MONEY.
IN RECOGNITION OF THE EFFICIENT PERFORMANCE OF YOUR DUTIES,I HAVE ACCEPTED TO GIVE YOU 20% OF THE TOTAL SUM OF $71,000,000.00 AS YOUR ENTITTLEMENT.
I LOOK FORWARD TO RECEVING YOUR COMPLIMENTARY ACCEPTANCE
Well, what can I say? It seems like nothing exciting ever happens to me, then I get involved in three highly exciting things on the same day. Luck must really be on my side. I’m curious how they all got my email address, but now’s not the time to ask silly questions.
If things keep going like this then I might even buy a lottery ticket.