I Am The Very Model Of A Modern Web Developer

I am the very model of a modern web developer
I build my sites in Ember or in React or in Angular
The download size is massive but development is easier
My grunt and gulp and NPM all prove that I am geekier

I am the very model of a modern web developer
My animations cause offence in anyone vestibular
A carousel with massive pictures should be seen as de rigeur
And light grey text with background white will make my content sexier

Some people say my websites should all be enhanced progressively
But my developmental choices have been made deliberately
A 12 meg payload is a guarantee of exclusivity
I don’t want Luddite users who refuse to upgrade from 2G

I have a brand, you could say I’m an Internet celebrity
But try to load my site on anything but super fast 4G
You’ll just get empty pages on your Android or your iPhone 3
Upgrade your phone, you pauper, or you’ll never get a byte from me

With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan.